Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
