And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
