genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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