If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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