I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
