I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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