I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize