so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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