just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
