the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
