So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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