so explain again why im purple
no
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
