I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
