mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
