If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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