is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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