flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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