Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
