We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
