she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize