If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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