Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's no shave November. This is our time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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