I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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