the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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