Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
