you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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