talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
