Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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