i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
