hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
