That's intense
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
