we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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