She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize