the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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