I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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