Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
