Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
