he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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