Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
