Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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