there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
