Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
