Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
