sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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