You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
