i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
