I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
