After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
