So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
