Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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