I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
