Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
