Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
