yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
