His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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