You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
