Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its liver damage thursday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
