I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
