There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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