Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
