are you still at the devil's house?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize