I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
