you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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