Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
