she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
