that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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