a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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