How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
