Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just pee around me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize