sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
im holly from the hills drunk
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
