my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize