margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
