i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
