I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
