I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
