i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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