Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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