East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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