He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
