4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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