I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
