This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
