The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
