So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
