If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
