oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We are two peas in an std pod
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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