Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
