in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
