1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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