The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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