we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
