I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
