My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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